The Dimming of the Day
by darkin520
Summary: When Kristin learns that the seaQuest crew is missing and presumed dead, she has a difficult time dealing with it until a former crew member offers her some unexpected support and helps her look at things from a new perspective. Between second and third season. One-shot. *COMPLETE*


**A/N: I know I've been away for a while, so this is just something to help me get back into the swing of writing again. Explanations to come at the end of this. Thank you.**

**A little setup for this story: Well, we never knew what happened with Kristin after the first tour, so I always imagined she might be working in an underwater colony somewhere as CMO and head of science where she might not have to lobby for funding like she did on **_**seaQuest.**_** I know I've used that scenario before, but it seems to be logical, so I'm going with it. Ben , on the other hand? Well, we really don't know, but in 'A Higher Power,' he was looking for a position at a fast food restaurant, so we'll go with that. Also, I am not going into the memorial service much in this story. The reason? I've already done that in 'Slipping Through My Fingers' and didn't want to do a repeat of that story. **

**Disclaimer: SeaQuest DSV and its characters are not my creation. They are the creation of Rockne S. O'Bannon as a 1990's television series. This work of fanfiction is for entertainment purposes only and is not for financial gain. I am just borrowing the characters for a bit and promise to return them unharmed and in their original condition, maybe just a bit happier.**

**The Dimming Of The Day**

It was surreal. There was really no better word for it. Kristin hoped with every fiber of her being that it was indeed a dream, only it wasn't. Just a day earlier, she found out the shocking news: _seaQuest _was missing. The crew was unaccounted for, presumed…

She couldn't say it aloud; she didn't want to accept it. Yet, there she was: sitting there on the UEO base in New Cape Quest at a memorial service for the missing crew between former Chief Manilow Crocker and former Chief William Shan. Katie Hitchcock and Ben sat in front of her. From the members of the former senior staff, they were all that were left.

Crocker placed an arm around her shoulders. "How're you holding up?" he asked quietly, his own voice trembling with emotion.

She shrugged. "I'm holding up." It was true, for the most part. She'd made it through the morning without shedding a tear, but then she'd done a lot of crying the night before when she was alone in her hotel room.

He gave her a doubtful look to which she responded, "I'm fine; really."

He nodded and turned his attention back to the podium. Secretary General Noyce began the welcoming speech.

Kristin was fine until the names of the missing were mentioned. She broke down then, unable to stop the tears from flowing.

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By the end of the service, she was able to compose herself, even though she'd practically used a whole box of tissues on her own. She rarely let anyone see her cry, and she didn't want anyone fawning over her.

As the crowd began to disperse, Crocker turned to her. "Are you going to be all right?"

She nodded and offered him a weak smile. "It's…going to take getting used to, but I'll be fine."

"We were going to go out for lunch," Katie said, motioning to the others there. "It would be like a mini-reunion, and we'd really like it if you joined us. I have to go back to the _Clinton _tonight, and Will and Crocker are leaving this afternoon. Who knows when we'll all be together again?"

Kristin hesitated. It wasn't that she didn't want to spend time with them at all. She had always enjoyed their company, but she didn't feel much like celebrating. Any sort of reminiscing would bring up painful memories, and she wasn't prepared to face them. "I…I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to decline. I have to be getting back as well." That was a lie. She had the rest of the week off for sure, and she probably could have longer if she needed.

"Oh, are you sure?"

Kristin nodded. "I really am sorry, but perhaps we could plan to get together the next time you have shore leave?" she asked Katie.

"That sounds like a plan. We'll be in touch?"

"Definitely," Kristin agreed. She started exchanging hugs with the others. "It really was lovely to see you all. I'm only sorry it had to be under such unfortunate circumstances." She then said her goodbyes and quickly retreated, unsure of what her next move was going to be.

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She went back to her hotel room, though she wasn't really sure why. She took off her coat and sat on the edge of the bed. After debating what exactly to do, she turned on the television. Unfortunately, that was a horrible idea since every channel she flipped through had a story about the _seaQuest_, its missing crew, or the memorial service.

She paused at one of the channels when pictures of the 'deceased' were shown. Upon seeing the photos of Nathan and Lucas, she fell apart, unable to hold anything back, the regret of letting them go cutting her to the core.

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Eventually, she felt empty, no longer shedding actual tears. She willed herself to calm down. She went into the bathroom and cleaned her face. Then, unsure of what else to do, she decided to leave the room for a walk. She wasn't sure where she was going or even what she'd do, but she knew she couldn't stay in that room alone any longer. She needed to at least be around people, even if she didn't interact with them. She needed something, anything that would take her mind off of reality.

She walked into the bar of the hotel lobby. No, she wasn't much of a drinker, but she took a seat at the bar anyway. A minute later, the bartender approached her.

"What will the lady be having this evening?" he asked her with a smile.

"A white wine, please."

A few minutes later, he placed a glass in front of her, and she muttered a thank you. She took a small sip and turned to survey the rest of the bar, observing the other patrons. She became particularly enamored by a young man and woman; they were swaying gently to the music on the jukebox. Although she heard someone sit down beside her, she paid little attention.

That was until she heard the voice.

"I had a feeling you were still here."

She turned around to face him. "Ben. I…it's not exactly how it looks. I-"

He waved a hand. "You don't need to explain anything to me. You're certainly free to do whatever you like. You don't mind if I sit here, do you?"

She shook her head. "Not at all."

Ben gave her a smile and then ordered a drink for himself.

There was then a long, pregnant pause before Kristin spoke again. "Did you and the others have a nice visit?"

He shrugged. "I'm not sure what you think of as nice. It wasn't very eventful. We mostly just talked about how sad it all was. It was…depressing. I can understand why you didn't want to be there."

She sighed. "It's not that I didn't want to be there at all. I would have loved to visit with all of you had the circumstances been happier. But since they're not…" She trailed off, taking another sip of her drink.

"If you wanted to spend time with us beforehand, you could have said so."

"Oh, come on, Ben; you know we all went our separate ways after the tour ended. It was nothing personal; it's just one of those things. People always say they'll keep in touch when they really don't," she replied quietly. "Time gets away from us."

"True, but Katie and I talk at least once a week. I heard you and the captain were quite inseparable for a while. Lucas, too."

She felt her face grow warm. "Well, I'm happy you and Katie are still friends after everything." She paid for her drink and then stood, no longer in the mood for any sort of conversation. "Really it was lovely too see you, Ben, but I really should be going. I need to-"

"So is that how it's going to be?" Ben interrupted.

"What?"

"You're going to run off again when I know you really don't want to be alone?" he told her.

"I…"

"I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing by mentioning the captain and Lucas."

She shook her head. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" he pressed.

"You and I were never that close, Ben. Why are you so interested now?"

"You're right; we weren't that close, but that doesn't mean we can't change things." He paid for his drink and offered her his arm. "Look, I'm not forcing you into anything, but I'm here if you want to talk. I don't really feel like being alone either," he added.

She hesitated for a moment, weighing her options.

"I'll be a perfect gentleman," he promised.

She smiled softly at his comment and placed her arm in his. "Very well," she told him. "Where would you like to go?"

"How about a walk on the beach? That seems harmless enough, and it is a nice night, don't you think?"

She nodded. "Lead the way then."

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The night air was warm and balmy. They walked along the edge of the beach in silence until Ben finally spoke up.

"I think they would have liked it."

"What?" she asked.

"The service. I think the captain and the others would have liked it; don't you agree?"

"Oh, I suppose so."

Ben stopped walking then. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "I don't know what you mean."

Ben sighed. "I think you do. What happened between you that you stiffen up whenever he's mentioned?"

She turned away just then, realizing her secret had been discovered. "I don't…"

Ben approached her then, placing his hand on her shoulder.

She jumped slightly, not expecting it.

"I'm sorry; I didn't realize…" He caught a glimpse of her face in the moonlight and saw her cheeks were wet. "Oh, Doc, I-"

She shook her head. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea," she whispered. "It's still quite painful for me, and I don't think I can do this anymore." She turned to leave, but he caught her arm.

"It's painful for me, too, but we can help each other."

"Ben, please," she said quietly. "I don't think I can do this."

He released her then, but she stayed put. "Fine, if that's how you want it, go. But what are you going to do tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the next? Look, I understand it's painful, but don't you think we're all in pain? Why do you think it's any worse for you?"

"I don't; I never meant to imply that," she told him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm just having a really hard time."

"I can see that. I just don't understand why you won't let someone help you. You don't need to handle it all on your own."

She nodded, but didn't answer right away. Instead, she began to weep softly. "I just miss them so much," she told him through her tears. "And I can't…I can't…"

Ben wrapped her in his arms then. "I know, Doc, I know," he soothed, attempting to comfort her the best he could.

After a few minutes, her cries quieted and she pulled away from him then. "Thank you," she muttered. "Nathan and I…we didn't part well, as you might have guessed."

"Doc, if it's really too painful, you don't-"

But she ignored him, waving off his protest. She sat down in the sand, hugging her knees to her chest. "I don't know what happened between us exactly. Bill…you know he and Nathan were friends… Well, although he was thrilled that Nathan and I had become an item, as the completion of the second _seaQuest _neared, he expressed to us that the brass wasn't particularly comfortable with the captain and the CMO being a couple; that is, of course, unless we were married. Well, naturally, Nathan proposed to me after this."

"You two were engaged?" he asked in surprise, sitting down beside her.

Kristin shook her head. "No, I declined. It's not that I wasn't in love with him. I loved him with all my heart; I still do. But I was going to be damned if I was going to let the UEO dictate to me when and how I was going to be married. And I also couldn't be sure if that's what he truly wanted. If the brass hadn't expressed their displeasure over the relationship, would he have asked me? I didn't know."

"I take it he wasn't too pleased?"

"I don't know. I told him that I would step down as CMO; I was offered a full-time position at the base hospital. We could still have seen one another on shore leave, holidays."

"And what did he say?"

She shook her head. "He said he didn't want that kind of relationship. That's how half his marriage to Carol was, and he didn't want to do that to another woman. I know now that he was thinking of me, but at the time, I was angry. We both were. We argued. We hardly spoke to one another, and it was starting to affect Lucas. None of us were happy. One day, I made a decision. I waited until he and Lucas left to go to the base. I wrote them both a goodbye letter. Then I packed up and left." She paused and took a breath. "You need to understand I was just trying to do what I thought was better for everyone in the long run. I was hoping that Nathan and I would work things out, that me being out of the house would help the relationship."

"I'm guessing it didn't, though?"

"It made things worse, actually. I'd left my job at the base hospital. I was offered a position at the Marine Lab Underwater Colony as CMO and head of science. I accepted. Lucas, you know how handy he was with computers. He'd found me. He called me up and gave me a piece of his mind. He never forgave me for leaving."

"And the captain?"

"I honestly don't know. We'd never spoke again. I dialed his number about a million times, but never allowed myself to follow through. I don't even know if he would have accepted the call. I'm pretty sure I broke his heart, though. And now, he's gone, and he'll never know how I feel." She buried her face in her knees and let out a soft sob.

Ben rubbed her back gently. "Oh, Doc, I…I am so sorry, but we both know they might not be gone. Stranger things have happened. We know that."

"But the brass believes they're dead. They're not even looking anymore," she said through her tears.

"That doesn't mean anything, and you know it. Do you believe they're dead?" he asked.

"I don't," she said adamantly. "We all know Nathan never believed Robert was dead; he said that he felt as though he was still alive. I…I'm not exactly sure I ever understood that until now." She looked him in the eye. "I feel in my heart they're still alive."

"You're not alone," he confirmed.

"That's good to know, but I don't think it matters much. I mean, honestly, how do you explain a submarine that large going missing? Wherever they are, they have to be in trouble. That also might mean we'll ever see them again," she said sadly.

Ben shook his head. "I refuse to believe that."

She smiled softly. "Always the optimist, aren't you?"

"I wasn't morale officer for nothing, you know. I've always had the ability to look on the brighter side of a situation."

"I know; I remember," she told him. "You…you were always a godsend in certain situations. I always admired that about you."

"Hey, I remember you doing the same thing a time or two," he replied.

She shrugged. "I suppose, but it's difficult now."

Ben put his arm around her shoulders. "Fine; let's have it your way. I'm a realist, too, you know, and it is entirely possible we might never see them again. You're right."

"I thought you were supposed to help me feel better," she said flatly.

"You didn't let me finish. If that happened, would you assume they were dead?"

"I suppose…"

"But would that change the way you feel about the captain? About Lucas? Would you still love them?" Ben pressed.

"Of course. Nothing could change that."

"Then how about you focus on the life they had instead? Celebrate their life; don't focus on their death."

There was a short pause before Kristin asked, "When did you become so wise?"

Ben smiled. "Actually, I can't take credit for that idea," he admitted. "Robert and I; we were close. That's the very reason I wanted the position on _seaQuest_: because his father designed it. And then when the admiral dragged him off his island to captain the boat, well, that was even better. I remember one night, shortly after the tour started, I walked into the galley for a snack. The captain was there, and he invited me to sit with him. He said to me, "I remember Bobby talking about you." I nodded and offered my condolences. He told me not to and when I asked why, he told me that he didn't want that. He told me he didn't believe Bobby was dead. I asked him how he could believe that after being gone so long. He said he didn't focus on his disappearance, the fact everyone else believed him dead. He said he focused on his life; he celebrated his life."

He turned to look at Kristin, who had tears in her eyes again. "I didn't tell you that story to make you cry, you know?"

She nodded and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I know; it just reminded me of how wonderful he was. Not only that, that's really good advice. I'm going to try to do that. Really."

"Do you feel better about it now?"

"I'm not exactly thrilled, but I'll heal, I'm sure," she replied.

"I know you will." He stood and offered his hand to help her up.

She accepted and the two began walking back toward the hotel.

"Have you had dinner yet?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"You want to grab a bite somewhere? My treat?"

She smiled. "That sounds wonderful."

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They found a small diner, but the food was delicious. They talked and laughed, remembering old times. As the night grew later, however, they decided it was time to go back to the hotel.

Kristin sighed happily as they made their way back. "I'm glad you talked me into this after all. You've really helped me through this, and I'm not really sure what I'd have done without you. Thank you."

"I'm glad I could help; you've helped me too," he agreed. "You know, I'm in town the rest of the week. We could get together again?" he suggested.

"Okay," she agreed. "I'd like that. I don't need to be back until next week myself."

Once they arrived in the hotel lobby, they said their goodnights and parted ways.

When Kristin arrived back in her room, this time she felt differently about the situation. Oh, she was still sad, but Ben's advice helped her focus on their life rather than their possible death. She changed into some pajamas and lay in bed. As she lay there, she whispered, "Nathan, Lucas; wherever you are, please know I'll always love you." She then smiled softly to herself and for the first time was able to sleep soundly since hearing about the loss of her friends.

**A/N: Although I don't need to justify the reason I haven't written anything as of late, I feel the need to tell the truth. My grandmother, whom I was very close with, passed away on the tenth of this month. She'd been ill for a long time, but that doesn't make it any easier. This story is just a little something in honor of her and to help me get back into writing again. One thing that is helping me is that my brother reminded the family that we need to focus on the life that she had. And it really is true.**

**Gram, I love you a bushel and a peck, always. I know you are always with me.**

**Now, for you readers, I do hope you enjoyed the story, but I'm actually asking that you don't review it. I'd like you to take that review and pass it on to someone who really needs it. My grandmother was a very selfless person, always putting other people before her. So in honor of her, I'd like to do the same. **

**If you're not someone who often reviews, that's fine. Then please do one kind thing for someone else. I know I'd appreciate that.**

**And finally, please know I will be updating my other stories very soon. I thank you for those of you who have been patient with me. Thank you for staying with me. **


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